Bad Parents

A family (Mother-named Mary , father goes nameless , daughter named Pippa and son, Gino) is sitting around a table.

Dad : Pippa , I know you got your exams tomorrow but there’s something more important than that darn exam that I have to discuss .. so just hear it out.

Mom : Oh honey I had never imagined our boy would do something like this. (starts crying)

Dad : hold on hold on , its nothing that I cant fix. Now Gino , I want you to take full responsibility of your actions and like a man , I want you to admit what you have done.

Pippa : dad can we do this later …

Dad : no  , this has to be done now

Gino : dad Mrs. Teterboro is a liar. I don’t know what she’s told you but just trust me dad , none of it is true.

Dad : Gino , do not question my intelligence

Pippa : jeeez Dad !

Dad : shut up Pippa. Mary give me that box

Mary slides the box towards him

Dad opens the box and takes out a bar? of lipstick and hands it to Gino

Dad : Gino , you know what this means , it’s a family tradition. Do it. You have done something terribly wrong now you will have to put that damn lipstick on your face

Gino : dad I swear I’m not lying

Dad : then confess , young man ..

Gino : this is crazy I haven’t done anything. That miserable old fucking woman I’m gonna …

Dad : mind the language boy ..

Pippa : come on dad this is crazy , I don’t know what it is that he’s done and I don’t want to hear about it over again . I have an exam tomorrow for crying out loud !

Dad : you shut up girl.  This wont take long…..Gino do it , you have lied and now you will have to do it

Gino : Dad I swear I did not ..

Mom (crying) : I never thought ..oh he’s ..

Pippa : I lost my virginity last night

Dad : WHAT !

Mom stops crying and takes the lipstick from Gino’s hands and smears it on Pippa’s face

Gino : I told Mrs. Teterborough that Mr.Teterborough died in an accident

Dad : What the hell  ..

Gino takes the lipstick and applies it on his lips

Pippa : I lied , I didn’t lose my virginity last night , I lost it last year. And it was …it was Uncle Hary

Mom : Holyyyyyy honeyyyyy (crying)

Pippa takes the lipstick and applies it on her forehead

Gino : I call the sex hotline from your phone every night dad

Dad : Oh you miserable ..

Gino takes the lipstick and applies it some more

Pippa : When you two had gone to aunt Christie’s I had invited everyone from college and guess what I had sex on your bed

Dad : I swear mary If I hear any more of this I’m going to bang my head on the wall

Mom : No ! Honey we have talked about it. Remember what you told the therapist ..

Dad : yeah yeah

Mom : Remember you told him you would never bang your head on the walls of our new house ? Honey we had such a hard time repainting the walls of the old house..

Dad : yes Mary yes ! holy Christ give me a break ! My two children are speaking of absolutely abominable stuff they’ve done and you want me to just sit here ? looking like a fool ?

Mom : Oh god

Dad gets up and and starts walking towards the nearest wall

Mom : Look what you’ve done you two children of the devil !

Pippa : yes , that’s right mother , and there’s more.. I steal money from your purse whenever you’re on the phone

Mom  holds her head and is controlling her anger or whatever it is. She’s angry , wants to cry, wants to throw up. Everything is happening to her

Gino : Mom I also steal money from you

Pippa : Yes he does and guess what we do with the money he steals

Gino : we smoke pot

We hear dad yelling oh God nooooo !

Gino and Pippa by now have applied lipstick all over their faces.


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